Issue 6 (14/02/00)




Right, here we go again. It's a mixed bag this time and I've sharpened my pencils and my quills, and filled my inkwells with my usual mixture of ink, bile and vitriol.

Quite a lot has happened these past weeks that I feel is worthy of comment and not being one to stay shtumm I decided to bring it all to your attention.

The week started, not with a bang, but with an Arch, and an Arch with amnesia to boot. This said Arch, who has yet to 'fess' up, changed the game/player ratio to 1 then left for the night forgetting to switch it back.

This was a terrific deal for high level mortals when they found that only 1 player could access each game. This meant that nobody else could share it with them so they could collect points in complete freedom from the killer elements. At one stage during that night there were 7 games open with 1 mortal per game, and during that period some players made over 50k.

Of course, the ones who were gnashing their teeth were the immorts who could see all these prime targets and couldn't do a darn thing about it.

As immorts they could flit from game to game but could only eye up the mortals scores with their tongues hanging out.

Never has so much chest banging, tooth gnashing and wailing been heard on Shades from Immorts unable to bring out their killer 2nds. Nor so much loud laughter, high spirits and 'v' signs been seen and heard from the grateful mortals who are no doubt hoping for further memory lapses from the same source.

Being rather ancient I have, over the years, never ceased to be amazed by the sheer stupidity of some players. These are the ones who cannot distinguish what is, and what is not, real on game. For this problem to be resolved one has to bear in mind a few simple ground rules.

Believe nothing, trust no one, and don’t assume anything. Add to that..discuss nothing of a personal nature to any one and least of all an invis immort.

We all assume a role when we enter Shades, we choose a name and a sex and decide how to play it. We are what we choose to be. That is the fun of the game.

But none of it is real. So why do some peeps continue to believe that JoeBloggs is really a male or JaneDoe a female? Or get upset when people believe what you have told them?

Why give out personal information when you have chosen to play a game which hides your identity and gives you the chance to be whatever/whoever you choose?

And how can you know who you are giving that information to? Unless you have met someone at a public meet and therefore know to whom you are speaking then you are treading on dodgy ground.

If you are being asked for such details then a quick "bog orf" is a good way to deal with it, but be careful, if it's an invis immort doing the asking they prefer a more diplomatic reply, else you might find yourself on the menu for their lunch.

But if you do end up being grilled by one then insist on their going vis before you decide to answer or not. It is a sad fact of Shadey life that some immorts…gasp…horror…have been known to lie about who they are.

Though, to be fair, there have been more wind-ups played by mortals than immorts. But the fact remains you cannot trust anything you see or hear on the game. Nor, if it comes to that, that you can see on Inshades.

Remember, anyone who has not attended meets or who cannot be vouched for by known bona fide players can send in a photograph saying it's them. Who is to know otherwise?

They can say they are dialling in from Timbuctoo and no one can prove anything different.

And, it's a sad fact of life that some players share their personas with others.

Here, and on Shades, I am a cat. You may have noticed…wink... But I doubt very much if you would see a 6ft cat on it's hind legs wearing a sword, walking down your main street. That's because I only exist on Shades and in here.

Accept the game for the alternate reality it is and reserve judgement on those who make claims to/on you. And never forget it's a game! Don’t take it too seriously. Have fun but take care, do not make statements about your self/persona you wouldn’t want repeated and if you do then you must accept the consequences. And purrlease….do try to stop whinging when your own errors come home to roost. Em: waves to Shadowlam and her clones.

Oh! A tip for the windup merchants. Don't just go through your routine when outside the pub when you have an audience. To be effective you have to maintain it at all times.

You never know when an invis immort is snooping you…wink. And remember that immorts can snoop you and see everything you type and every tell you receive.

As those who have seen me on game will know, I bear a suffix. It hasn’t changed over the years and so I'm always surprised when people complain because I've been a bad pussy cat.

I'm the Nassssty witch for gawd's sake!

Does anyone out there believe I wear such a suffix because I'm really a sweet little kitten?

No, I wear it cos it's what I am, and bad-tempered to boot. What did you expect?

But, nassty tho I might be, I have never knowingly done anything illegal on game.

Imagine therefore my surprise when I was accosted by a mortal who berated me for deeds done nearly 10 years ago! Sheesh, my nassty deeds have long lives it seems. This mortal, Icestar, a name I didn’t recall, well I AM ancient after all, was rather upset with me still. Boy does she have a long memory? I can't remember my misdeeds of last week let alone 10 years ago.

After some heated discourse, her original personna from prestel days came to mind. It appears I busted her witch Icecold back in those long distant days. The bust went to arbitration with Amby and Hazeii …all kneel…and the bust was upheld and my persona given its points back.

As I was never a favourite of those aforementioned Arches the bust must have been for solid reasons else it would have been me that remained a novice.

Still, Icestar, I cannot remember the reasons for your bust, but perhaps you would like to continue your argument with them? It's a complete waste of time for you to keep sounding off at me. I mean, 10 years! Even elephants have shorter memories. And, as I said on game, I really don't give a damn if you intend to be my worst enemy, you will just have to get in line.

Does the phrase "get a life" mean anything to you? You've already wasted 10 years of this one on holding a grudge and now is the time to give everyone's ears a rest about your grievances and start fresh. I've now aired them publically for you so rest assured all now know my dark deeds,

I just wish I could remember 'em.

Fite Skool It's taking longer than expected to set this up on game, so patience please. The problem lies in trying to set it up here on Mnet. The game and the s'ware used is much more complex.

In the old days we didn’t have auto steals and rets etc. We just used fkeys. So the problem lies in being able to teach pupils the essential art of timing ones blows without killing the poor sods.

The only solution seems to be to log in for the skool without the usual s'ware, and without automatic fighting. This might be off- putting to some would-be tutors who have never learned the skills necessary for this, it is, after all, only those of the old school who HAD to do it this way that can teach using it.

More consultation is necessary and more safeguards to be implemented before it can become reality. But I'm working on it.

Well, I've read the meet report and it sounds like a good time was had by all, some more than others it would appear. I regret I was unable to attend this one but I will be ready for the next.

I have attended many meets, most in the old Sols Arms, and many was the time the pub if not the town was painted red. This is the first time Ive heard of one being pebble dashed!

Way to go Azmodan! I hear they will be taking you back for a 2nd time, …to apologise.


This month heralds in that load of sentimental twaddle… Valentine's Day…..shudder.

But, bearing in mind my civic duty, well I AM a candidate for the Shades mayor, I thought I had better reprint some of the yukky sentiments expressed there. So, if you feel you can stomach it, read on. But NO pebble dashing please.

The Shadey Times Personal Column

To an Arch.

Gor bless the arch who set us free

to wander safely collecting "t"

No killers could come to make us frown

Cos he gave us each a game of our own.


Saphire, Sia, Sorceror, Felon and others.

To Brid

You make my heart beat madly

And I express myself so badly

But my love for you I cannot top

Until you've had your sex-change op


Your ancient swine, ooops swain.

Guiseppe, you can quiz me anytime. Polgara.

Barefoot, be my victim, please. I've engraved your name on my blade. Ninja.

Gypsy, you slay me. Bogus.

Felon, you can add my life to your list of crimes. Mouze.


You make my heart a-flutter

You make my lips a-mutter

May your love be as true

As I am to you

If you believe this then you're a nutter.

From Barefoot.


You sparkle and crackle all through my life

Now is the time to fuse as my wife.

From, Wired.


Ignore those evil, nasty witches

They are really only 2 old bitches

A cat and a Goddess? Don't make me larf

They've made me so angry I wanna barf.

Come back to me!

From Proverb

Zindavier. I will follow you where ere you go, Blondie.

Females, I love you all, Wizzo.

Zero, where are you? I'm still pining, Diadem

I've cut the page short, I can only stand so much ….gulp….sludge…Thankfully there's a whole year to go before it has to be repeated.

As I have this forum open to me I have decided to publish my mayoral manifesto here.

Hopefully I will have a campaign manager soon, but in the meantime I will plod on regardless.

I do not promise to kiss babies, hug valiants or give out loads of points….shudder. But what I will do, if elected, is to turn the mansion house into a real going concern.

There are endless possibilities already in situ, especially for the weary fighters. The roman pool would be a marvellous place for them to soak away their aches and sprains, but that has been allowed to go cold. I would have the boiler room renovated and made to work again so that a warm dip could restore some stamina, if not all.

New balls and cues for the snooker table in the games room and even an area for the fighters to spar and practise their skills….at present it's called the ballroom! These items could also be collected or played for points.

Apart from DIY chips there's precious little to eat in the mansion and that must be remedied.

Some stamina rejuvenation must be regarded as an urgency. The same applies for medical equipment, lots of bandages and sticky plasters would be available and left in strategic areas.

As could sticky buns etc.

As for the hound, well I know he's a brute, but if he could be made to sleep after being fed it could help a lot. I will try to have a bone or too lying around.

Much better use could be made of the gardens, and an area of safety created there. Somewhere

For frailer players to sit safely while they catch their breath and bandage their wounds.

I would nag… with the Coder in order that these proposals could be implemented

And that the mansion house could become a much larger area of play than it is today.

I will continue to uphold the laws of the land (em: hopes no one notices her crossed claws) and

will do all I can to make sure that darned thief stays outside the Mansion gates.

These are my pledges.


Here is a bit of advice for the bigger players, particularly fighters, for those of Sorc level or higher. These players stand to lose the most if they die in a fight.

If they were attacked then they would lose half their score, which can be a pretty substantial sum, but, if they did the attacking, and died, then they lose the lot!

Now, you would think that by getting to that level they would have learned the basics.

Sigh, wrong.

Let's take one example….Omega….that's right, the one who denied dying to Blodwen

In a low stam attack in my very 1st article in Dec.

Did he learn to be more careful with his stam? Did he heck. He went out on the game at necro level at the same time as a sorc. Did he take precautions? Get himself a weapon? Take care of his stamina? You guessed it. NO.

He was attacked by Felon the sorc with the fbb, and he was getting pasted and had to flee. He got to the church, prayed, and legged it back to Felon before he could restam too. Did he check he had restammed before attacking Felon? Em: shakes her head sadly. He did not. Had he realised he had dropped the cross when he fled? Nope, he hadn't. Did he not notice when he prayed that the game told him he couldn't without a cross? That's another no.

Felon was still standing there, no time to restam himself when Omega attacked him. One blow with the fbb and Omega was once more a baby novice. He lost 128 k and made Felon a necro with the payment of 28k for his death.

It was a high price to pay for not taking care. He had not checked his stam or his opponent's before he attacked. He said later that he thought he had restammed, but

We all know what thought does if it's not checked.

Omega has said he will not return, at least not in that guise, so we say a sad farewell

And let us hope that in his next reincarnation he keeps one eye on his stam at all times and that all you big uns out there do the same.

REMEMBER carelessness costs lives not to mention your points. OUCH!

Still on the subject of killing I want to address this to Immortals and their fighter 2nds.

There is far too much killing of new players by wiz 2nds these days. Some repeatedly kill the same new players over and over again. This is not on. We Immorts have the

Ability to determine whether someone is new by seeing the date they were created and their attack score. So there is no excuse for just adding to your kills tally.

New players need time to learn the game so they return again and again, some are not doing that. They are leaving after sending in messages to the powers that be.

If a player is under seer/mystic level and have no attacks on their score then the chances are you have someone new. Leave them be. By the time they have reached seer/mystic level they should know enough to take their chances.

Wiz 2nds can kill as many wiz 2nds or mortal seers etc as they like but lets give the murder of newbies a rest eh? BTW anyone who has an attack or more on their score is deemed to be an experienced player no matter what their level, so renaming a killer wont work, grin.

I have it on very good authority….Zeon….that he will be keeping a weather eye out on the killer screen and he will be doing some heavy frowning if the slaughter of the innocents continues.

Now, I don’t know about you but I duck when Zeon frowns, he's got some nassty remedies for bullies and I for one wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end.

Bear in mind too, that if this slaughter continues then you lay yourself open to the possibility of the re introduction of the pacifist mode, if only up to sorc level.

There are other nasty possibilities open to Zeon and the other arches, try not to be the one to find out what the punishment will be.

I repeat, this message is for wiz 2nds, no restrictions are suggested for mortals, but bear in mind that if mortals go on a killing spree themselves they become legitimate targets for wiz 2nds.


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