Issue 4 (18/01/00)




At last, the festive season……bah..humbug… over, and life can settle down once more on Shades. Or it would if the blurry snow would thaw out! Seeing snow and having the thief leave with no pressies for us is on a par with eating month old mince pies…Yeuch. So spare us you coders because I’m a warmth loving cat and hate having cold paws, besides we need the little girl, strange though she might be, and if she has to continue travelling the paths and woods in that skimpy dress in that weather the n how will we restam on the move? She will have pneumonia at least.

As months go, January 00 has been fairly static, more bitching and fighting on the chatrack than on the game. So I have decided to open the Shades Primary school for delinquents…..see later chapter in this issue.

I celebrated the Millenium on Shades, where else indeed? Em: makes a note to get a life sometime.

I was in good company, as midnight struck I was chatting to Ambushbug and Branwell. They kept me regaled with news of the happenings in their area while I stayed safely indoors away from the nasssty fireworks….shudder. Surprisingly, considering this is Branwell’s 3rd Millenium, he was quite good company.

The 1st day of January was surprisingly quiet. Only 2 happenings worthy of note.

The 1st was Greatorix the sorceror became Greatorix the disenchanted enchanter after colliding with the bear.

The 2nd was that on studying the wo list, I discovered Badriya was no longer on it, not even at number 40. She had been on 147 k the day before. I checked again, but nope, she wasn’t there. My heart fluttered madly in my chest, and I thought there really "was" a Santa Claus after all. I felt euphoric all day.

Then the bubble burst the next day……sob. It appears that a glitchbug had been eating at the scoreboard and was now rectified. Badriya was back on the board.

Ah well.

After reading the chatrack it was obvious that the basic fundamentals of Shades life

was lacking in some, and it was time to return to basics. I have therefore decided to restore the Shades Primary and Remedial School. It’s a select school, and in some cases it has been specially approved.

Em; is standing here in the playground watching the pupils line up before proceeding to their classrooms.

"Azmodan, pull your socks up and straighten your cap! Juarez, wipe your nose and give me that catapult, only I’m allowed weapons in school.

Kali, tuck all those arms away, only 2 per pupil allowed on display and keep ALL your eyes to the front if you please.

Barefoot, pull that skirt down and do try to wear knickers when you come to school, there’s a good girl. As for you Leila, making goo goo eyes at the Coder instead of doing your homework will NOT get you a pass mark. Now, as for you, Shadowlam, you are here for remedial classes, so stop playing with those mobiles and concentrate. Otherwise you will never make it past Dauntless.

Right you lot, file in to class, and NO Azmodan you cannot detour past the infants classes, you’ve done enough damage in there as it is.

Come on Shadowlam, I said file not flee. Did you bring your dictionary and book on Correct Emoting today?

Kali, I know walking on all your hands is faster than on your 2 feet, but not everyone wants to see your thong. EEEK! It’s made of ocelot fur…shudder…so that’s what happened to poor uncle Sep….sigh.

Juarez!, Move away from Azmodan if you please, you two will have to be separated.

Nice to see you wearing shoes to school Barefoot, Oh, you heard the Coder was going to visit? Sorry, not today.

Leila, put that makeup away, there is no one here to impress, and please stop pouting, it’s not a pretty sight"

Em: watches them all file past then pads silently behind them to the classroom.

Em: walks into the classroom and watches the pupils fight for the desks.

"Okay you lot, settle down. Azmodan, go sit in the corner desk, the one at the back, I’m not having you killing in here. Yes, I know you prefer killing infants, that’s why you are here. And Juarez, in the other corner please, I don’t want to have to call on the headmaster….Zeon…to have to settle things down because you busted Azmodan again. You are both here to learn self control and discipline.

Barefoot, to the back please, I will not have you sitting knickerless in the front row.

There’s only me out here to see the view and I’m singularly unimpressed.

Em: mutters softly "there’s more fur on Kali’s thong".

You are here to learn decorum, along with Leila. Yes, Leila, you. You are here to learn decorum as well, and the subtleties of flirtation. Poor Hazeii…all kneel…has been buffeted by both of your antics and juvenile attempts at seducing him.

No, he hasn’t complained, the complaints have come from the poor souls who have had to witness your behaviour. You both need to learn that brazen can be good but subtlety works better, particularly on the onlookers senses.

Shadowlam, you have been killed by mobiles more often than any 50 other Shadists.

The idea is to get past them or, at the very least, to have a weapon when you attack them. Has anyone ever told you of the ret weapon command? No? I thought not.

You are here for remedial classes. You will continue these classes until you are able to emote without making other players’ eyes water, and until you learn to berserk or flee out from mobiles.

Kali, you are here for maths lessons. Heaping "t" on mortals in order to level out their score to an even number can be considered helpful. But not if you can’t count! And not if the mortal is busy collecting and kinging "t" at the same time. Why not? Because they are constantly changing their score that’s why not. Pardon? How many time have I told you NOT to listen to Branwell? He still uses an abacus and that’s got 3 beads missing…..though come to think of it, so has Bra…..errr I digress.

Right you lot, get your books out and start polishing up on your basic skills. No Azmodan! I do NOT mean go over to the infants and kill a few! Juarez, sit back down please, I can handle this, put that bust command away at once!

Kali, heres a calculator, with all your hands it should make counting easier.

Barefoot, remember dear, it’s shoes you are supposed to be without, NOT knickers, and Leila do remember to be "subtle" with your wiles, and lay the flattery on with a feather NOT a shovel. Stop pouting!

Shadowlam, sigh, you will return until such time as you stop feeding those mobiles and can emote a whole sentence without error. So? Whats 10 years?

Class dismissed and I don’t want to see you here again"

When I returned to Shades after such a lengthy absence I found the immortals were new. Names I didn’t recognise, such as Amstar, Wizzo and Wired. I remember feeling lost, then I saw Guiseppe who was still holding the quizzes, Then Kali with her thong-mate Branwell plus Savanah, Zeon and Tenon. It felt like Old Home week.

Other of the old mnet days hadn’t made it back to wiz yet, Fresia, one of my adopted dorters, Aiea, Ellie of the whips and rack, and myself just to name a few. But it felt good to see them here.

Now they are all coming back it would seem. Since my own return I have seen Hector, Sundo, Saul (when mrs Saul permits) grin. Juarez, he of the old mafia fame, and even Ford has been seen, although under another guise. I know he has a mention in the Shades book of notoriety for the massacre, but I will always remember Ford at meets where he would imbibe alcoholic beverages and you could watch him slowly slipping down from his seat until he ended up sleeping blissfully in a corner. He was all of a ten der age and could not handle drink at all. He never once managed to walk out of the pub….grin….but was either carried or dragged.

Continuing down memory lane, sorry newbies, other appearances have been Panda, who we hope will return if only for the quizzes, Galadriel who I was lucky enough to speak to on one of her appearances. Also sighted have been Pegasus, Sian another great quiz winner, and even Graeme, though not under that name.

Other familiar names sighted have turned out to be name only. We of mnet days lost all our persona files when the game moved to the internet. Thus some of our names had been taken by others. So Fluffy, Karma and Rhiannon are no longer played by those who got them to wiz in the old days. Confusing innit?

I know I’m not alone in hoping more of us old stagers will discover the new home of shades and return to the fold. I will keep watching.

We seem to be diffy in Arches these days. Lets face it, most of those we have rarely play now. And whatever Shades needs now, more than ever, is vigilant arches.

I hate to say this…gulp…but why can’t we entice my arch enemy Lordant back? Boy did he keep us all on the straight and narrow including me, I spent all my hols on game 8, ostracised, due to him, but he ran a tight ship.

Anyone out there in contact with him, pass him this message please? HELP.

Right, time to pad back to my basket but my grateful thanks to Kali for providing me with triple strength vitriol. Heaven forbid I should run out


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