Issue 2 (20/12/99)

PAWS FOR THOUGHT

OR

A CAT'S EYE VIEW OF SHADES

Such a busy week on Shades so I thought it time to print the Shadey paper….the Shades Sport. Special ink has been delivered and extra vitriol has been added. So let the presses roll.

All articles printed herein were correct at the time of publication.

BTW anyone of a sensitive nature and has done deeds they don’t want to see held up for public scrutiny, had better not proceed further. Leave NOW.
 

GREAT CODER ATTACKED BY AMNESIA BUG.

A strange sight was beheld outside the pub when a tiny little novice was discovered, shivering and speechless with shock. We all know the game can have this effect on players but this one was different. His name was Guiseppe.

Just 10 seconds earlier he had been a Wizard and now he had been brought down 13 pegs. It is alleged that he upset the coder, Hazeii….all kneel… by calling him Hazel, this was later confirmed by a message posted by the said Hazeii…all kneel…on the chattrack. He decided that a lesson had to be taught and so he levelled Guiseppe. Then, oh horror! He allowed Real Life into the game by leaving the now tiny novice and getting into something called a taxi.

This poor shivering wreck of a once immortal had to wait overnight for our Coder to remember him and return him to Wizhood once more. Whereas we join in the celebration of his return let there be a word of warning - He who suffers loose lips in the presence of Hazeii…all kneel…can consider themselves lucky if/when they are reinstated.

A lip zip is hereby presented to Guiseppe.
 

WIZARDS SHOWN THE DOOR

The game is now lighter of a few Immorts. They all belonged to Azmodan…once. It appears that despite several warnings over a long period of time he blotted his copybook once more. This time he offended the Archwizard Zeon. I mean there is stupid, darn stupid and boy are you blurry stooopid.This was definitely one of the latter. What did he do this time but to write on the wall outside the pub naming Zeon and suggesting in very basic terms that that Arch pr eferred sexual acts that cast doubt on his sexual orientation. Any full blooded male would have been outraged but Azmodan should have remembered that Arches have Powers not given to lesser Immorts and should have had fifty thoughts before committing his stupidity for all to see. One can only assume that the blood content of his alcohol level caused his downfall.

His punishment was to have all his Immorts purged from the game, yes that does mean they ceased to exist. The ex wiz had to log on as a new novice to claim his names back before anyone else nicked them. As if.

Another set of lip zips goes to Azmodan, who by the way is never seen leaving safe if other peeps are playing. Strange how not having an Immort back up can Soften the spine innit?
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JAILING RECORD BROKEN

This past week has seen the record for jailings bust sky high. The busted were Noel and all his subsequent novices and the bustee was Amstar.

It apparently all started when Noel got zapped. He too was loose lipped and received the time honoured punishment. Being Noel he wasn’t prepared to accept this and continued as did the zaps etc. Finally Noel, who is in line for another stupidity award, kicked Amstar and ended up in jail. Oh dear, now our Noel was livid, silly boy, and brought on novice after novice to avoid jail. But.. being a little deficient in the brain cell dept. he gave them all offensive and/or obscene names.

For one who has professed to be an ex-immortal from earlier times he seems to have forgotten that a name can be classed as swearing too and as such has always been deemed to be unacceptable.

The number of jailings was not recorded but sufficient to say that WO 40 had more than ¾ of the listing bearing names that were of a Noel turn of word.

Poor Amstar had to retire with a sore finger and a commendation for his actions.

A truce has been declared based on Noel’s future conduct.
 

A SECRET ALLIANCE?

Many sightings have been made of both Branwell and Kali. Indeed it has been said that no sooner does Branwell appear then Kali also appears with him. Much speculation has arisen as to why this should be and there have been many suggestions mooted.

The one that has gained the most support is that Kali has become joined to the hip, or some other part of Branwell’s anatomy. So where he goes, she HAS to follow. A lesser theory is that he has her tied to his zimmer frame, his go faster stripes holding her in thrall.

When asked, Branwell became very coy, and refused to make any comment but he WAS heard to mutter something about an ocelot posing pouch. Can this be the source of his pulling power? Which of them wears it? Is it washed frequently? These are questions that need to be answered if you, the public, are to be kept informed. So next time you see Branwell, do ask him and notify this editor. You will be rewarded.
 

MORE MARITAL TROUBLE?

This week saw the return of yet another Wizard to this land of Shades. This time it was Hector who is married to Polgara. Well, I suppose someone had to be, poor Wiz. He returned after an absence of some 3 years and settled down outside the pub to chat when his wife turned up. Sigh, some welcome. They settled down to persistent deep sighs, kisses and the usual sort of public marital behaviour that is deemed acceptable, when a fly in their ointment buzzed in. This fly took the shape of Branwe ll who then proceeded to make it obvious that he had ‘known’ Polgara during Hector’s absence. More revelations, nay, intimate details were then relayed to the now shocked Hector and cracks seem to have appeared in their relationship.

Hector seemed ,at last sighting, to be far more concerned with peeking up any females skirt who happened to be present. So perhaps he wont be too heart-broken? Is a divorce on the cards?
 

SEX PEST CAUTIONED.

Some people never learn. Today a valiant called Noel has been accused of sexually harassing a sorceress. She had beaten off his fight attacks on 2 occasions and he died twice. When his ruse to zip her to the pit, from which there is no exit failed, she at least was able to think with her brains, and stayed tucked up in the info centre. After all where is the profit in being attacked by a valiant who then flees, or from the pit qq’s? Besides which, defeating him a 3rd consecutive time seemed greedy.

It is quite obvious that Noel likes his own way and throws a temper tantrum when thwarted said the prosecution, because when his taunts to encourage her to come out to play failed, he followed her to the pub where he kept sexually emoting at her. Every time she protested and moved to another area he followed her and continued with his obscene emotes and comments.

She had no recourse but to qq to escape his unwanted attentions.

This is totally unacceptable and Noel has been cautioned and his behaviour will be monitored…closely. Anyone whose brains are lodged in their trousers can take a willing partner to the Bridal Suite. How they emote and behave in there is entirely their business, it is snoopfree. But anywhere else a no must mean NO.

It has been pointed out to Noel that an unwashed and sexually inadequate persona like himself is in serious need of lessons in the art of chat up before he approaches any other female persona with a view to any form of personal relationship. It was further stated that frequent cold showers, with lots of soap, and the application of a good deoderant might be deemed essential. A defence of "I fancy her something rotten" will not be accepted in future.

He was given a caution ,despite protests from the female involved, due to the nature of his medical reports. He is one sicko. A recomendation that he be provided with a dictionary so he can look up the word ‘no’ was also made.

Any future misbehaviour will be punished accordingly a spokesperson has stated. Watch this space.
 

Fluffs
 
 

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