Issue 1 (13/12/99)




It been a long time since I sat at my desk writing about Shadey happenings, but the good news is I’M BACK. ….grin. What do you mean why? Ok I will tell you. I returned from exile just 6 weeks ago and was stunned by what I found on game. By that I mean newbies wandering about aimlessly with no idea of the basic realities of the game. And Immortals, some of whom are idle, rude and ignorant of these same realities. In my own little way I will try to address these issues and make life more enjoyable for all.


Under this heading there are several things you need to know before you even set foot out of safe that are not found in the info centre:-

Real Life….shudder…has no place on Shades so throw away all you have learned of that place or it will get you killed.

Fair Play…coff…is another real life concept that is not catered for on game.

Rules….for mortals there are only 2, …no swearing and no pooling t for another of your personae. Other than that feel free to be as villainous, sneaky and devious as you wish….gawd knows the immortals do…..grin.

Behaviour…..apart from the above 2 rules, how you behave is entirely up to you. You can use whatever objects that come to hand and whatever spells you are allocated to do whatever you feel like. The one rule is, if the game allows it and doesn’t chuck you off, then it’s permissible. There are no exceptions to that rule despite what some wizzes might say. They don’t make the rules and they are not above them either. If you have the rod and want to zap someone for whatever reason then that’s what the rod is for….em: waves at Oddjob…and if a mystical or anyone stands idly at the moats bank or any other site with only 16 stam why are they surprised when they get belted with the ls? Em: waves to Omega.

The role you play, be it a goodie or a baddie, is your choice. You can concentrate solely on collecting t and score, in which case you need to get a good pair of running shoes, or you can be a baddie and devise all the evil ways to ambush and try to kill whoever you feel you can. But be prepared to die, often. Dying is painless on Shades, costly sometimes, but painless. Killing someone needn’t involve hitting them over the head with a weapon, and size can be immaterial if you use your imagination and get to know the game well. I know a dauntless who killed a warlock without lifting a finger….grin….she fed him to the

leech..Em: is so glad Helious is now recovered…chuckle. Poor boy lost 80k.

In general higher players don’t attack small ones, but not always, so if that happens there’s no shame in berserking or running like hell to the nearest safe area. But if smaller players keep irritating the higher ones with zips and attacks then they can expect to get well paddled…usually with the ls. If you are unfortunate to come across a bully of a big player who just attacks or cripples for the hell of it, then bide your time or bring on a bigger persona yourself , or get together with other players and gang up on the nasty persona. Em: waves at Orca. Revenge can be very sweet, em: licks her lips then grins.

Whatever happens don’t whinge and run crying to the wizzes, what can they do about it? And you only lose your game cred. Just get even, there are more ways of skinning a …….oooops…I mean more ways of getting your own back and it’s much more satisfying too.

Right, now you know enough of the real Shades to go out there prepared for most things. But let me warn you of one more hazard you will undoubtedly face, a bored and irritable immortal if not a downright nasty one. This is a hard one for mortals to cope with as the offender is usally invisible and protests are therefore useless. Try typing sysbell if this happens, if an arch is about then he will reply, failing that go to the Post Room and moan like hell on the Chat track. But make darn sure you didn’t do anything to warrant your treatment before you do. A smart mouth has been the downfall of many a mortalJ


Em: is standing at the door of the old storehouse, rod in hand, awaiting the arrival of the 1st batch of immorts. A blackboard has been fastened to one wall and chairs have been arranged to seat the immortal buttocks

The door opens and in troops the 1st class of this game term.

"Right you lot, take your seats, keep quiet and pay attention. NO Deckard, not at the back, I don’t want you trying to form another committee where I cant see you. In the front please, next to Helious, and if you can keep him quiet he might learn something.

Wired and Morpheus stop fiddling with your graters, and remember, all of you, no lunching allowed. Branwell? What are you doing here? Ah you felt left out and feeling cold, well….if you will go around just in that posing pouch,,,,shrug..

Ok, go sit in the back and take Guiseppe with you, he’s only come to read up for the next quiz.

Azmodan! Bring that bottle to me! There’s no alcohol allowed in my class." Em: tuts and bins the bottle which is now empty. "Wizzo, stop grizzling, I know there are no females in this class, Kali hasn’t turned up. NO! You can’t cuddle me instead! "

Em: turns and suddenly runs her claws down the length of the blackboard…slowly. And the entire class cringes at the sound.

"Right, Now I have your attention, let me begin.

I have come to the conclusion that most of you are ashamed of making it to immortality. Why else would you sit outside the pub invisible instead of strutting your stuff for all to see? Apart from being downright rude it’s also very cowardly. Yes, I said cowardly. How else would you describe being horrible to mortals and hiding behind your cloak? Em: fixes a steely gaze on Azmoden as she asks him why he hides when he gives a mortal the bomb then forces him to drop it so he dies and loses his t? Or resets a used cloak so it strangles the mortal he forces to wear it?

There are other abuses that go on too, some under the heading of punishment for unacceptable behaviour. Errrr excuse me, since when have we been given the power to determine what is unacceptable, if the game allows it who are we to say different? Besides, if punishment is justified what’s wrong with jailing them? Or has the jail fallen down in my absence? Better still, if you don’t like summat you see happening on game, take your 2nd out and clobber the miscreant. But don,t use your immort powers. It’s on a par with baby bashing.

Amstar and Wired, if you see a dauntless zap an enchanter, for whatever reason,

then that’s what the blurry rod is for! It doesn’t call for the dauntless to be lunched while carrying t.

All of you, go back and read the Immort rules. It clearly states you must not cause a player to lose points which includes whatever t they were carrying.

It is not our place to intervene in mortal squabbles, we should be above that, if you feel strongly enough about what YOU see as infractions of YOUR rules then take one of your 2nds out and clobber the little tykes. THAT is acceptable, Wiz abuse isn’t.

There are all manner of evil conniving and dirty tricks a mortal can play on another, but it’s for them, not us to sort out. You might not consider it ‘nice’ behaviour, but ‘nice’ is a Real Life…shudder…concept and has no place here.

Amstar, keep those wheels quiet.

We should not worry about being liked by mortals, being respected is much more acceptable. Instead of grating/lunching people on game why not use your powers and pay miscreants back in their own coin?

If you see an enchanter crippling a small player, then cripple that chanter back and zip him somewhere from which he can’t escape. There are endless ways of ensuring someone can be checked without resorting to killing them. Use your imagination.

We all have to be careful we don’t impose our own views on players, after all, what are we but players who managed to collect more ‘t’ than those still out there? And gawd knows no one enjoys a fight more then me, but as a mortal.

Where’s the fun in baby bashing?

Right one more point and then skool’s out. Kali couldn’t make it so I can’t glare at her as I remind you that supplying t and objects to mortals is a big no no. I point to the case of Crimble who was the only mortal on game 1 during the quiz on game 7. Being of a devious, no not nosey…coff, nature I scanned game 1 and saw Kali was on too. I decided to go there as a mortal and arrived with 27 mins to reset. The bronze key was still in the mansion and when I got it and opened up the caverns, the black was missing. I found not only the fountain cleared but the hoard lying there too, and another pile of t and keys in the teleport booth.

The moral of this story is to be damned careful not to do wrong and to be even more careful that you are not sussed. I come from a very big litterJ

So go out there and stand tall and visible! Go on, show off your stature, after all, you made it to immort. Don’t hide it and for gawds sake, don’t abuse it.

Here endeth the lecture.

p.s. ever thought of helping mortals? Strange concept innit?


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